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Lost in Tulgey Wood

"I warn you, if you bore me, I shall take my revenge." J.R.R. Tolkein

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Location: Canton, Ohio, United States

The essence of all art is to have pleasure in giving pleasure --Mikhail Baryshnikov

Friday, May 19, 2006

Oh, my!

This? Is hilarious.

Monday, May 15, 2006

It's all about me...

Peer pressure being what it is, I've succomed to one of the many quizes Big Orange and Redneck Nerdboy have shared...

PART ONE: YOU and your life
1. Were any other names considered for you at birth? Heather, Jeffrey

2. So how old will you be this year? 35, on May 31

3. What is your astrological sign? Gemini

4. Do you check your horoscopes regularly, and do you believe in them? Yes, and not necessarily...only if they seem to benefit me.

5. What are your typical [starsign] qualities? Glibness, flightiness, great communicator and I'm somewhat of a flirt.

6? No 6? OK, moving on to seven...

7. Who are you compatible with? Outliers and cranky people.

8. What kind of house do you live in? 3 bedroom ranch with a hot tub!

9. Who do you live with? My husband, Doc, my two girls, and an old black cat named Midnight/Kitty

10. How is your bedroom decorated? Cardboard Chic (we just moved in)

11. Do you have posters on the walls? Of my bedroom? No. Not since I was 17 (Eurythmics, Adam Ant, Casablanca, Clark Gable)

12. Are your parents still together? Yes

13. So what kind of person are you, in the good ways? I'm funny and sensitive to the needs and whims of others. I like to see people do well and succeed. I'm not a backstabbing bitch, in general.

14. And in the bad ways? I can be imperious and I demand that people find me funny.

15. In what ways do you annoy people? I'm constantly trying to be funny (not so much anymore).

16. What are your strengths? I'm a good listener (right, BO?)

17. What are your weaknesses? Dimples

19. What makes you depressed? Lack of money, my job sometimes.

20. Are you easily paranoid? Nope, unless I should be.

21. What is your current mood? Sleepy and disoriented.

22. Who are your close friends? My family and the members of the Lodge...oh, and my 2 co-workers.

1. Insert a picture of yourself here:

Doc and I in Marblehead, MA

2. How important is the way you look to you? I usually want to look nice, but sometimes it is important that I look fierce.

3. How self-conscious are you when it comes to your appearance? I always know if I'm having a bad hair day, a bad skin day, a bad-ass day.

4. How tall/short are you? 5 feet 5

5. What color hair do you have? I'm a brunette

6. How long is it? Shoulder length

7. What would you call your body shape? Imperfect

8. Are you happy with it? Not entirely, but Doc seems fine with it.

9. How do you dress, and why? I follow the rules I learned in Glamour Magazine's Do's and Don'ts column as well as the advice of Trinni & Susanna and Stacy & Clinton on What Not To Wear. I like to be professional yet stylish at work. I want to be stylish at play. When I'm doing work around the house, I like jeans and concert/smart ass tees.

10. How long ago did you start dressing this way? 4 years ago

11. Do your friends dress similarly to you? Some do, some don't

12. How is the way you dress reflective of your personality? I try to hide my quirk til someone gets to know me, so I don't wear my personality on my sleeve, unless I'm at home.

13. What parts of your appearance do people compliment? My eyes

14. What parts of your appearance do people insult? I haven't heard any complaints other than those in my head...


1. What do you do for a living? I'm a jack-of-all-trades-bureaucrat

2. Are you happy with what you do? Sometimes...I don't make nearly enough money, though. How does that happen? I'm a bureacrat in a government institution and I'm in a union.

3. What are your hobbies? Writing, knitting

5. Name everything you hate: 3-ring binders, vampires, and these words: biometrics, irregardless, and utilize

6. What kind of people do you love: Cranky people, outliers, thinkers, and nurses

7. What kind of people do you hate: People who tuck their sweaters in


1. I know it's a chore, but list your favorite bands and musicians here: Fountains of Wayne, Clay Aiken, Elvis, Billie Holliday, Black Eyed Peas

2. Your favorite genres: Rock, blues, country

3. Any particular favourite songs? King of the Road, Galang

4. Albums? Revolver (Beatles), Utopia Parkway (Fountains of Wayne)

5. Insert some of your favourite lyrics? "I killed a man in Reno, just to watch him die...", and...

Girl, you had me, once you kissed me
My love for you is not iffy
I always want you with me
I'll play Bobby and you'll play Whitney
If you smoke, I'll smoke too
That's how much I'm in love with you
Crazy is what crazy do
Crazy in love, I'm a crazy fool

6. What band do you listen to when you want to feel happy? The Wiggles

7. The most depressive music? The Cure

8. Do you have any favourite music videos? Prince Charming (Adam and the Ants), anything by the Black Eyed Peas

9. Are you in a band? No

10. If so, what is it called?

11. If you are not in a band do you want to be? Yes

12. If the answers yes, what would you call it? Productive Cough

13. What would your part be in the band? Dynamic Front man

14. What kind of music would you play? Tribal Blues

15. Who would be in your band? Elvis Costello

16. What would your music videos be like? Mournfully sincere

17. What kind of songs would you write? The hard truth and love songs

18. Can you write songs/music? Not really

19. What would the vocals be like/what kind of singers: Gritty and expressive

20. What instruments would the music have? Guitar, piano, drums (bongos, tympani), bass, and the occaisional harpsichord


1. Seeing anybody right now? Taken!

2. The obvious question: Straight/bi/gay: Straight.

3. Do you have crushes? I have TV boyfriends: Tom Bergeron (AFV Host) Jeff Probst (Survivor Host), in particular. Also, I have loved Harvey Corman ever since I was 12.

I4. If so, do you like them for their personality, or for their appearance? Both...and their dimples.

6. Ever been in love? Yes.

7. Are you now? Yes

8. How confident are you when it comes to relationships? Very confident

10. What would be most important to you in a relationship? Trust

11. Your ideal guy/girl, personality: Adores me but still can give chase (just like Doc)

12. Your ideal guy/girl, appearance: Dimples are a must. We can work on the rest

13. What's more important to you, appearance or personality? Personality

14. What are your turn ons? Jokes and laughter

15. Turn offs: Sincerity

16. Fetishes: None

17. Fantasies: I'm not that kind of blog.

18. How dirty-minded are you? I don't think I'm very dirty minded. But sometimes my imagination gets carried away with itself when I hear double entendres.

20. What kind of things would you like to share in common? A moral code

21. Does any particular dress sense turn you on? Baseball uniforms and the outfits men wore during the American Revolution

22. Do you remember your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Yes, he was a spunky reporter for our school newspaper. He was two years older than I was and I thought he was very cool. He ran for US Representative two years ago.

23. The most romantic songs you can think of? Clay Aiken singing anything (I know, I know)

24. The sexiest bands? Adam and the Ants, The Smiths, REM

25. The sexiest singing voices? Micael Stipe, Morrisey, Clay Aiken


1. What are your favorite movies? Zoolander, Capote, Batman Begins, Romie and Michelle's High School Reunion, Desperately Seeking Susan

2. What kind of movies do you love to watch, and why? Comedies, because I love to laugh

3. What kind of movies DON'T you watch, and why? Horror or gore...I'm too squeamish and jumpy

4. Favorite actors: Phillip Seymore Hoffman, Alan Alda, Johnny Depp, Hugh Grant

5. Favorite actresses: Kathleen Turner, Katherine Hepburn

6. Most romantic movie you've seen and one of your favorites: Love Actually

7. The most sad movie you've seen and one of your favorites: Fahrenheit 911

8. If you could have starred in any of your favorite movies, which one would it be, why, and what character would you have played? Zoolander...Katinka: I'd love to kick some ass and hang out with anyone of the actors in the movie.

10. TV Shows you watch: Survivor, CSI, American Idol, Best Week Ever

11. Cartoons you watch: Spongebob Squarepants, Fairly Odd Parents, The Simpsons, Family Guy, American Dad


1. So, how was it? Lengthy

2. Did you enjoy it? Yes

3. What's the time now? 9:09 p.m.

4. What was your favorite section? The music section

5. Any last words? "Better to arrive 4 hours and a few minutes late and completely in control than 4 hours late and a total mess"

Saturday, May 06, 2006

The Wonders of Technology

You know the drop down address list in Internet Explorer? The place where you can look up something you've previously typed up there? Well, the other night, I was browzing through the list looking for Amazon.com and I noticed this link: http://www.kitty.org/. It's Kit's Place. I don't know how it got into the list. I don't believe I typed it. I asked Shawn and he had no idea what it was either. Just a random website. Unless my Mom typed it, which is highly unlikely as she has no interest in Motorcycles.


Monday, May 01, 2006

A Bold, New Initiative

Alice, it is time we made a request of our fellows for the betterment of civilization. I realize we may be labeled a prude for our efforts, but better to be painted broadly by that brush than to continue suffering in silence and hoping a fashion of the vernacular will exit of its own accord. Like an insensitive houseguest, this little four letter word refuses to note that making coffee is a sign that the hostess is ready for its departure, and the pot is brewing. This word has lingered around since at least the early 1990's and shows no signs of going for its keys.

Are you ready, Alice? OK; here we go.

I kindly request the the word "anal" be banished from the lexicon, excepting its use when describing medical conditions between doctors and patients, and I further request it be replaced by the equally descriptive yet less offensive "fussy".

For years I have been waiting patiently for the word "anal" to go the way of the dodo, remembering that the English language is constantly in flux and hoping that this word shall soon become passe. Nearly twenty years later, I'm still being surprised by its use in polite society, in particular, business meetings.

"I'm so anal about data," someone will proclaim.

Shocked by the casual remark referencing the nasty nether-regions of my colleague, I can think of nothing else for a few short seconds but their ass, imagining them reaching for the Preparation H whenever someone brings them a report. I don't want to go there, Alice, to coin another dead turn of phrase.

So join with me, won't you? Start today. When you are in conversation with anyone but your physician, make a point to describe someone's nitpicky behavior as "fussy". Try it as a game. See if you can change the tide of vulgarity and gently guide the lexicon away from this ambush of yukiness awaiting you at your next team meeting.

I have shared very much with you here in the Wood and have asked very little in return. Kindly consider joining me in my quest to forever rid us of the anal invasion that crosses our tongues, assaults us in the workplace, and makes itself insidious in our minds. Join the fussy rebellion. Afterall, fussy is only one letter longer, the same amount of syllables and equally descriptive without being offensive to anyone, unless they are more fussy than I am about language.

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