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Lost in Tulgey Wood

"I warn you, if you bore me, I shall take my revenge." J.R.R. Tolkein

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Location: Canton, Ohio, United States

The essence of all art is to have pleasure in giving pleasure --Mikhail Baryshnikov

Friday, July 08, 2005

Flying Debris from the Sanity Coil

Charming couple, aren't they? At one time, I had a soft spot for the fellow on the left. As a denizen of Tulgey Wood, he seemed to be goofy, if not well-meaning. He would entertain us with his good looks, winning smile and sometimes his raging machismo. But it was all in good fun. After all, he is just a player on the stage. In the right director's hands, he was magical. Productions like A Few Good Men, Jerry MacGuire, and Legend showed that he could be intelligent and vulnerable and appealing in a loin cloth, respectively.

Unfortunately, in recent days, it seems he has revealed his true self. Taking a stand on issues he has virtually no experience with, condeming others for coping in the best way they know how. He reminds me of the Christian Fundamentalists I went to school with who took the word of their church leader and followed it to the letter. These people would physically cover their ears if I started to break down their stand with logic. Well, our little friend here did basically the same thing by talking louder than the person presenting a case for reason.

And he's not the only one who has slipped loose the sanity coil recently. Take our little friend to the right here. She and her newly wed husband have produced, starred in and actually get camera credits for filming a "documentary" of their love. Sigh. It's so bad. Do you remember in high school that one couple: king and queen of the stoners or burn outs? She was sort of cute and lots of fun, but trouble when intoxicated. He was easy going and cute but suffered with a peach-fuzz mustache; also trouble when intoxicated. Their fights were probably legendary. Maybe she tried to run over him with his own truck. Maybe he made out with her sister right in front of her? You know the type. Imagine them making a documentary and you would have Chaotic.

What I want to know is, let's say for an moment, that the world actually received these two as they imagine they have presented themselves. The former would be revered as a watch-dog and a scholar; the new Dalai Lama. People would be tossing out their Prozac, donning pink button-downs and dancing a jig, chugging V8 and toasting his name, thankful that they are now free from the shackles of modern psychology.

The latter would be seen as someone who is "real"; A harlot with a heart of gold. She seems to be saying, "Yeah, I'm rich and famous, [gum-snap] but I've also got a dysfunctional family, too,[drag on cigarette] and relationship issues [chugging shiraz]." "I'm interesting; keep buying my albums."

Unfortunately, the rest of the denizens of Tulgey Wood are not buying their line of crazy these days, at least those of us not on their payroll. I believe that both of these creatures have been believing their own press, if you will. They are suffering from hubris. In both their cases, they are surrounded by people who tell them what they want to hear, not what they need to know. This is how the devil gets you, my friend. Someday, these two will be sitting alone in the ruins of their empires, wondering what the hell happened and the Lord of Darkness will be laughing all the way to the soul bank (just north of the soul train, by the way).

Then again, maybe schadenfreude has gotten the better of me. I am 99% sure that the producers of Chaotic are going to be sick to their stomachs with shame in 18 months from now over this video. I know I was sick to my stomach with shame after a mere five minutes into the first episode. It pushed my shame button attached to memory of all the stupid things I've said to boyfriends past. Fortunately, for me, these stupid things were neither recorded and broadcast across the world nor were they witnessed by more than one other person.

However, there is still that 1%. In my heart of hearts, in my most secret wishes, I hope that these two are strong enough to stay together and that their love lasts as long as Paul and Joanne's. Why? They're having a baby. And perhaps the Dalai Lama-wannabe will release himself and his loved ones from the hold of his dogma; he is to be married and there may be children to come for him too. Nah, he probably is gay.

And who is the loser in all of this? Well, it's Tim Curry, of course. For I have found that my affection for him does not stretch as I imagined it would. I always counted myself as a big fan of his. My good friend and Counsel, Madame E, is also recovering from the shock of the Dalai Lama-wannabe's latest antics. She has decided that she may still be able to watch DLW in movies, at least in Legend, because her love of Tim Curry outweighs her dislike of DLW. It was at that moment that I was thunderstruck by the thought: not even the Tim Curry, a Cheshire Cat if there ever was one, could salve the burn of my distate for he who shall no longer be named enough for me to view this fair-to-midland fantasy tale. So farewell, Tim Curry as Lord of Darkness. "No Good without Evil. No Love without Hate. No Innocence without Lust. No Tim Curry without Tom Cruise. I am Darkness." And I am outta here.

4 Comments:

Blogger Big Orange said...

Lest we forget:

A) Ms. Spears was a poster child for chastity-before-marriage in the Church of England (someone prolly got their head lopped off for THAT call)

B) Mr. Curry can STILL be enjoyed, at least his vox can, in the Series of Unfortunate Events audio and a smattering of other audio books.

As for your take on Major Tom... I humbly stand in your shadow as you are MUCH more organized and better a writer than me on such things... I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!!

3:53 PM  
Blogger Flannery Alden said...

I guess I need to clarify: from this day hence the Princess will never again watch the movie Legend.

I will however, frollic in the joy that is Tim Curry's buttling in Clue. I don't hate anyone else in that movie.

Thanks for the groveling, it's always appropriate.

4:27 PM  
Blogger genn6 said...

I have to say I'm quite shocked as Madame E about TC. I'd seen enough of the man speaking to think that he wasn't a jackass, but his recent behaviour with the shotgun new fiancee coupled with the repulsive mouth/mind makes me think he might need some of that psychiatric science he so doesn't believe in. If TC wasn't famous, his behaviour would still be a bit of a departure from normalcy, would it not?

11:34 PM  
Blogger Elizabeth said...

Yes, please enjoy Tim Curry every chance you can get! According to my VideoHound movie guide, you can enjoy him over and over again in such films as...

The Rocky Horror Picture Show
The Shout
Times Square
Oliver Twist
Annie
The Ploughman's Lunch
Blue Money
Clue
The Worst Witch
Pass the Ammo
Stephen King's It
The Hunt for Red October
Oscar
Passed Away
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
The Three Musketeers
National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon
The Shadow
Congo
Titanic
Muppet treasure Island
Lover's Knot
Tales From a Parallel Universe: Super Nova
McHale's Navy
Doom Runner's

I didn't say they were all winner's, but he's in 'em!

10:10 PM  

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