Selling My House

I think this picture says it all:

Dammit! The Bastard Snuck Up On Me Again!

I woke up with an earworm in my head this morning, Alice. It just kept skiing up and down the gray folds of my cerebral cortex, singing its chorus with the gusto of an Alpine yodler while I saw to my morning ablutions. As I put mousse in my wet hair, I began to listen to its song in earnest. This is what it had to tell me:

I'm gonna harden my heart
I'm gonna swallow my tears
I'm gonna turn...and...leave you here.....

As I processed the words and listened to them repeat over and over again, the meaning began to sink in: it's time to harden your heart and swallow your tears, Honey, 'cause that's the only way to beat the bastard.

"That's right!" I thought to myself. "I've been depressed!"

No duh, as anyone who has spoken to me within the past week would probably say. My withdrawn behavior, my spontaneous weeping, my woe, are no secret. In fact, I've admitted it myself. I was also suffering from a stomach bug at the same time. But there was nothing anyone could do for me. Big Orange tried to annoy me out of my stupor by singing crazy songs and doing entire Bill Cosby routines. When he failed to get a smackdown from me, as is my wont when things get too silly or avant garde, he kind of gave up. I could hear the defeat in his voice, Alice, but I couldn't do anything about it.

My Riley tried to comfort me, but that made me cry harder. My Lucy wanted me close at all times, and that made me cry harder. My Doc gave me some space, which was more valuable than you may think, Alice, maybe the most valuable, that way I could weep without reservation. My Mom was ready to bully, cajole and engage in fisticuffs to set things right. My Dad, bewildered, just tried to be there for me. Madame E, also perhaps a bit under his spell, tried to help by giving me good counsel, as usual.

I guess I knew it was the bastard returned, Alice, but part of his magic is that he's teflon coated and difficult to identify while you're having a picnic on his Moors of Doom. But as I sat there under a weeping willow, drinking punch, I saw a lovely vision, that of a lady-sage with a saxophone. Harden your heart. Swallow your tears. All of a sudden, the scales fell from my eyes and I left the Bastard on the Moors of Doom. I was back, tougher and ready to fight the obstacles in my path like the great Achilles I know I can be.

I'm not one hundred percent fabulous again, my Alice, but i'm cruising past sixty and things are looking up; just in time to take my place at the ledge, coaxing those friends and family back from it who need it. I guess we all take our turn from time to time on the ledge, ready to leap and beside the ledge, begging for a return to sanity.

I'm just glad to be off the ledge, out of the tunnel and back in the Wood.

I Need an Intervention...

You Are Somewhat Machiavellian

You're not going to mow over everyone to get ahead... But you're also powerful enough to make things happen for yourself. You understand how the world works, even when it's an ugly place. You just don't get ugly yourself - unless you have to!

How Machiavellian Are You?

I can't stop...

You Are Kermit

Hi, ho! Lovable and friendly, you get along well with everyone you know. You're a big thinker, and sometimes you over think life's problems. Don't worry - everyone know's it's not easy being green. Just remember, time's fun when you're having flies!

The Muppet Personality Test

Drawing Lines in the Sand

I'm on the brink of moving back to my hometown, Alice; I hope you appreciate how brave and strong I'm being. You see, I'm not a big fan of my hometown. I've spent most of my adult life living elsewhere. Sixteen years after leaving for good, or so I thought, I find myself returning, with mixed feelings. As you may recall, I left town with a bad taste in my mouth.

But a lot of things have changed since I had kids. These days, I find myself wanting to return to the family fold, for many reasons. First and foremost: I want my girls to know my family. I want them to see that they have a reliable group of people that they can depend on and who can, eventually, depend on them. Also, I want to know my family, lean on them, and let them lean on me.

I love my family and I'd want to live closer to them even if they lived in hell. But here's the thing, Alice, They live in Canton and I've got issues with Canton. Don't get me wrong, Canton is not hell...or at least it's not hell most of the time. The residents of Canton have much to take pride in: President McKinley was born there, Football was born there, The Pro Football Hall of Fame is there, Belden Village Mall is there, just to name a few features.

However, my beef with the town is basically with the demographics. You can't swing a dead cat in Canton without hitting a fundamentalist Christian of the worst kind. These are the people who ask perfect strangers, "Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?" They are in-your-face zealots who are judgemental and self-righteous. And they seem to be multiplying. Large mega-churches complete with rec centers and TV studios are popping up at alarming rates.

Now, Alice, I was raised to mistrust organized religion and I do. I especially mistrust organized religions that are full of aggressive evangelists, as these are. I fear living in Canton again. I'm nervous about re-entering the community. I don't really want my children to have to face the kind of bigotry and intolerance that seems to accompany these people.

Then again...

Perhaps being in the thick of it will help prepare my girls for handling themselves when being pressured in the future. If you can withstand the coersion of a group of aggressive fundamentalists, you could probably hold your own when faced with, say, an aggressive 17 year old boy.

I also seem to prefer to be in the minority, Alice, just like old Twain. I will be in the minority in Canton. But, I will be among friends. My family will be around, Madame E will be there. We'll see a lot of Big E and Joanne too. When Big Orange comes to town, we'll be a stone's throw away. And Espresso Toast won't be too far away.

The cost of living in Canton is much lower than it is where I live now. There are tons of good restaurants. I'll be able to start saving money again. Alice, I have been on the worst downward spiral financilly. I've been losing money like crazy, and I swear, I was ready to throw myself on the altar of Daikokuten and beg for mercy. Fortunately, all the praying (to God, by the way) I did, seems to have paid off. I'm going to get through this, with a few bumps and bruises, but with much still in tact.

So, off we go, back to Little Chicago. Back to Canton. Back to the family. Backwards.

No, Seriously, I'm Done Now...

You Are 43% Addicted to Blogthings

You're a Blogthings fiend - addicted but not totally dependent. So what if you know your personality type by heart? And while you may feel like Blogthings is crack... There are people much worse off than you!

How Addicted To Blogthings Are You?

Last Quiz...I Promise

Your World View

You are a fairly broadminded romantic and reasonably content. You value kindness and try to live by your ideals. You have strong need for security, which may be either emotional or material. You respect truth and are flexible. You like people, and they can readily make friends with you. You are not very adventurous, but this does not bother you.

What Is Your World View?

New Quiz and More about Me...

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness.Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul.You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable.Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful.In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself.Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend.You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

That Last Quiz Was A Bust

Sorry, the link to that Bible quiz doesn't work anymore. But there plenty others out there, like Are You Psychic?

Of course, I'm not surprised by my results (I'm psychic!):

You are very psychic. You are very likely to feel that you are psychic and many other people around you may have even confirmed this belief. If you're not pursuing classes or learning more about developing your skills, it's only a matter of time before you embark on a new adventure into the realm of the paranormal.

...Either that or I just test well.